Hello! Bonjour! Guten Tag! Dag! Hola! Hej! Zdravsvuyte! Jó napot! Konnichiwa! Shalom! It is I, Swissair171!

It's that time of year again! No, I am not referring to Halloween! Those of you who from outside the UK may not know what the hell I'm talking about, but those of you from the UK should know that I'm referring to the 5th of November, also known as Bonfire Night.

Bonfire Night is a commemoration of the foiling of the Gunpowder Plot, a conspiracy by Catholic terrorists to blow up King James the Sixth of Scotland and First of England and Parliament, in 1605. Although Bonfire Night is a celebration of the foiling of terrorist plot, the anti-Catholic backlash that followed the uncovering of the actual plot was very nasty indeed. The anti-Catholic origins of Bonfire Night are not, however, the main reasons why I hate it. The main reason why I hate 5th November is the fact that the `celebrations` involve both bonfires and fireworks.

I've never liked fireworks (or bonfires, for that matter), on the grounds of health and safety. God knows how many people are killed and maimed by fireworks every year. Furthermore, each and every firework- and/or bonfire-related incident that the emergency services have to deal with means that other emergencies, potentially where lives are in danger, cannot be dealt with as quickly as they should be.

So, I implore you to either attend an organised display or not bother with fireworks and/or bonfires at all. This 5th November, I'll be underneath my desk in a second-hand fire tunic and helmet, quivering slightly and hating the section of society that will have turned into raving pyromaniacs!